Paroxysms of Joy

You know when you leave your body? When your spirit and energy break free of all boundaries and merge with the energy of the universe and you become more than just a person? Maybe you unleash a scream of pure exuberance. Maybe you laugh. If you're me, you skip a breath and start to shake and start to cry. These are what I'd call paroxysms of joy.

"Paroxysms" might not be the first word that comes to mind, but it's the only one I can think of that's powerful enough, used rarely enough, to describe something so special. So transcendent. The triggers are different for everyone, but I want to tell you this: Seek these moments out. Pursue something that can give you such joy. Usually we're people; sometimes, if we're lucky, we become "more than."

When I heard at my Zumba training about a year ago that there would be a big instructor conference in LA in 2013, I immediately started making plans and saving up. I registered for my training sessions and "learning capsules" and "flavors"--more on these in a minute--in October, worked myself into an inconveniently timed overuse injury two weeks ago, and packed just the night before I was to leave for the three-day conference.

To be honest, there's not a whole lot to say about the conference that would interest most of you. I bought a year's supply of Zumba clothes, including leggings and shorts that I feel confident enough to wear for the first time in my life. I got up close and personal with Lil Jon and Pitbull in a private Zumba instructor "Fitness-Concert." I met dozens of enthusiastic, effervescent people from all over the world, including a sports massage therapist from Brazil (next on my to-do list: get a sports massage).

The LA Convention Center.

Most importantly--and this is the reason I went in the first place--I learned. A lot. Before the conference, I could choreograph routines based on four international rhythms. Now I can do thirteen. Even though my muscle injury prevented me from going full-out in every session, I soaked up tips and techniques and swagger from some of the best instructors in the world and now I feel like I can truly make each of my classes exceptional.

It's really easy to tell when someone's a Zumba instructor.
There was a high concentration of our species wandering the streets of LA for these few days.

Once my legs heal up, I'll be choreographing nonstop--in the shower, in the car, while vacuuming--all the while remembering those incredible paroxysms of joy that overtook me at least four times a day all weekend long.

Even the bright-and-early speech from the CEO was preceded by a live DJ and light show.

For me, the magic of Zumba is how it lets us tap into the emotional power of music and translate it into movement accessible to everyone. We can all experience the vivid flavors of international rhythms without years of training. More importantly, we realize that health, joy, effervescence, passion, and love are all within our grasp. And that transcendent hour (or song, or moment) can strip away the shadows and awaken in us the hope or drive lying dormant just beneath the surface.

It was during my final session, "African Workout: Enter the Jungle," that I fully lost myself in the experience. I spread my arms up to the sky amidst a forest of other glistening arms belonging to people united by a common pursuit, tears streaming down my face, and felt grateful to be alive.

Easy Baker: Oatmeal Bars

January 2024 update: 

Please note that many posts in this blog are a record of a person with multiple eating disorders who sought questionable care, was excited about dangerous lifestyle choices, and believed in achieving absolute health through eating (which is something that cannot be done and is often more detrimental to one's overall health).

I do not recommend following any posted advice or using the person I was in these posts as an example for anything related to food. If you're experiencing issues related to food and feel yourself in the grip of diet culture, I suggest seeking care from a counselor who focuses on eating disorders and, in the meantime, gently challenging preconceived notions of health and wellness through your media choices. A favorite of mine and a pillar of my treatment these days is the podcast Maintenance Phase.
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Original post:

Note: This recipe has been revised with excellent results.

As someone whose sane mind prefers to eat as few processed foods as possible but whose body can't tolerate a wide variety of healthy unprocessed foods, I naturally have trouble sometimes. How the heck can I eat a filling carb-and-protein meal on the go without eating nuts, seeds, raw vegetables, dates, soy, gluten, or dairy? I can't eat nuts or seeds or raw veggies--talk about painful--I hate dates, and I abstain from gluten and dairy by choice. There are a few protein bars that I can tolerate, but they're far too expensive.

So, in desperation, I found a basic recipe for homemade oatmeal snack bars and made it my own. These things have been sustaining me through three extremely demanding weeks. I've never liked oatmeal, but in this recipe it just works. And it's so mild for me that it's the digestive equivalent of taking a nap.

Just look at that beautiful arrangement.
I'm not playing favorites or anything, but that chocolate looks especially promising...

Ingredients (makes 9 servings):

• 3 cups rolled oats
• 1/2 cup chocolate rice protein (any kind of protein powder here)
• 1-1/2 cups vanilla coconut milk (any kind of non-dairy milk here)
• 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 1/4 cup non-dairy chocolate chips/chunks 
• 1 banana
• 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
• 1 Tbsp cinnamon
• 1/3 tsp salt
• (optional) nuts, seeds, dried fruit

1. Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl.
2. In a separate bowl, use a masher or sturdy spoon to mash the banana with the coconut milk. Once this mixture is no longer chunky, mix in the applesauce and vanilla.
3. Pour the wet ingredients into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix well.





It's mixed well. I promise.

4. Line a glass baking dish with parchment paper, then pour the ingredient mixture in an even layer onto the paper. The thicker the layer, the longer the bars will need to cook.
5. Bake at 350 degrees for about 40-45 minutes. The result shouldn't be completely mushy, nor should it be crispy. This is the "trial and error" part of baking.
6. Cut into as many bars as you want. 

What's that I see? Chocolate? Don't mind if I do.

Cut into nine sections, my recipe yields bars that are about 220 calories with 16 grams of protein--so it's a full meal without the need for a fridge or microwave. I individually wrap each portion, and they're ready to go!

Ready to take on the week.

Be advised: they last about a week max before getting too stale. Also, the flavor is pretty mild. In my humble, unbiased opinion, this is a great recipe to alter per your own whims to stay energized and healthy on a budget.